So neglectful

of me.

With Thanksgiving over, I intended to jump right back in, but my last doctor's appointment found me with a prescription in hand for a Generalized Anxiety Disorder medication. It wasn't what i thought I wanted or what I thought I needed, but this doctor of mine - he knows his stuff.

I started last Saturday, and frankly I've been kind of blown away by the subtle, yet huge tectonic shift that has happened in my brain and my body.

I didn't want to jinx it by writing about it too soon, but things keep moving in a positive direction so I think I'll uncross my fingers long enough to type.

I've written before about how my normal state of being is a constant thrum of vibration. When that vibration went away, so did my low blood sugar episodes and my need to pass out comatose every afternoon.

I had no idea how much energy it took to be nervous all the time. And here's the other thing, I had no idea how anxious I really was.

Life just doesn't seem so hard right now.

Weird.

Even the holidays, which usually have me dancing on the edge of a cliff, seem manageable.

I'm a happier mom, and a nicer wife.

(I never, never, never thought I could handle being medicated. Never. I just thought I had to work harder at being a better person.)

I'm a little sad that I didn't do this years ago, when my son was smaller, but I'm hopeful that he doesn't remember any of that anyway.

I never thought I would ever be able to have peace within myself. I sure as hell never thought that peace could come from a pill.

Thanks Dr. F.

Comments

[Irma]

COngratulations, this is great news.

[beth]

I hear you! It takes the edge off.

[Leslie]

I say don't beat yourself for something that you think you should've done years ago. Just rejoice in the fact that you have found some inner peace and happiness now and focus on that, because yes, it's hard to live like you were with all that inner turmoil. I really like your blog - you're geniune. I come often but I don't comment a lot because I don't want you to get sick of me. Anyway, I now have another reason to visit your blog. I started a book club with some friends and I just have to say that I love your 'random books from my library' section.
Also, glad that the concert was a success - we haven't taken our kids to one yet -though next year looks promising.

[Cinder Ella]

I think Leslie's right. We can only go forward and do our best.

I remember that time when I first realized just how anxious I'd been. It was so eye opening. I like your tectonic shift description. So apt.

Yay for you!

Ella