Pre-Summer panic attack
Every now and then I flip out about the things I think Daniel should be doing by himself by now.
He's 7 and 1/2.
Nearly 8.
Eight feels like a milestone.
Definitely NOT a little kid anymore. So I am being kind of hard on him at the moment, reminding him that he's not a three-year-old any more and that it is entirely inappropriate for me to WIPE HIS ASS.
And, I feel like I shouldn't have to fetch his snacks. They are all within his reach, and I am perfectly comfortable with him getting them himself.
I'd also like him to unload the dishwasher, and learn how to make a grilled cheese sandwich so he could make ME lunch.
Maybe I'm asking for too much with those last two, but I'm kind of panicky at the moment that I do too much for him, and that I'll ultimately stunt his independence.
Plus, I'm really lazy. Did I mention that before?
What I'm finding though is that whenever I ask him to step up and do more, he interprets it as a punishment.
Maybe it would work better if I wasn't yelling and pulling my hair out and working up to the whole martyred-drama-queen.
School is out next week. I think I need a plan. Maybe more sedatives too.
Or vodka.
I think regardless of the age, with our types of kids, sometimes they just don't do things that they should be doing. I can completely see me still wiping Evan's behind four years from now. For that matter, I can still see me feeding him. Yes. I feed my 4 1/2 year old like a baby everyday. Sad.
Posted by: Christina Shaver | June 17, 2008 at 01:09 PM
Vodka I've got. Playdate?
Posted by: Brian | June 17, 2008 at 01:49 PM
Listen, my son made me "check his paperwork" in the bathroom until he was almost nine... so at least know that this type of behavious isn't specific to Daniel, I think most little boys get hung up on that one.
And while making grilled cheese sandwiches may be a ways off, perhaps he can begin helping along with everyone else.... for example, have each person take their dishes from the table to the dishwasher / sink... no fiar for Mom to carry Dad's dishes or anything like that, everyone must carry their own. That way Daniel isn't "singled out", he is simply participating at the same level all family members do. Or, knowing what I do of you, you have probably already tried that and I am talking directly out of my ass.
Hang in there, you are doing fabulous.
Posted by: Irma | June 17, 2008 at 05:09 PM
My son is almost 11 now and has us "check" his bottom. Most of the time he's got it taken care of and just wants assurances. Depends on degree of difficulty. He's been doing it this way since about 8 1/2. So, maybe the end is near. And yeah, we spent a LOT of those years yelling about it. Vodka does help. :)
Posted by: Michelle | June 17, 2008 at 09:18 PM
Brian - you bet. My husband IM'd me after that post saying that I didn't even like vodka, I must have meant to say rum. Clearly he hasn't done enough parenting to know that vodka is the perfect mixer in any juice you happen to have in the house.
Posted by: Liesel Elliott | June 18, 2008 at 08:09 AM
Christina and Michelle, thank you for that. Sometimes it helps to know that my kid isn't a complete aberration. Although I really feel like I want to be finished with the butt-wiping phase of my life.
Posted by: Liesel Elliott | June 18, 2008 at 08:11 AM
Irma, those are good ideas. Really. And they might even work. If we ate at the table like real people. We tend to eat in the living room (I know. Bad. But we are unable to digest our food without Spongebob or the Dog Whisperer) and then we just play a waiting game to see who is motivated enough to clean up. -- hmm, the more I write about this the more I think we need to do something different....
Posted by: Liesel Elliott | June 18, 2008 at 08:16 AM
Start with breakfast. let him make toaster waffles and cereal. Try things over the summer so you don't have to worry about friction before school. My kids never liked to wipe their butts either but I finally said too freakin' bad and they decided that they liked the feel of poop on their underwear all day LESS than wiping their own behinds so they got the idea after a while. Or you can tell him that if you have to wipe his, he has to wipe yours.
Posted by: amy Smith | June 18, 2008 at 08:40 PM
Okay, I'm really thankful now on the wiping thing. Jake takes care of that, but at 12 I'm reminding him to PLEASE CLOSE the DOOR when you go because I SO don't WANT to be gazing at your ass!
Anyway.
Start small. Pick one thing you'd like him to do and work on that, and then add another one. Cereal?
Posted by: Scattered mom | June 19, 2008 at 12:39 AM
Okay, I'm really thankful now on the wiping thing. Jake takes care of that, but at 12 I'm reminding him to PLEASE CLOSE the DOOR when you go because I SO don't WANT to be gazing at your ass!
Anyway.
Start small. Pick one thing you'd like him to do and work on that, and then add another one. Cereal?
Posted by: Scattered mom | June 19, 2008 at 12:40 AM
Oh boy - my oldest is three and a half and I do a lot of things for him that I think he should do for himself (like get dressed on his own, comb his hair, put away his toys)I don't do them for him ALL the time but I do them often enough and I guess the reason why is because it just seems faster and easier for me to do. If I were to wait until he finished farting around and put on his socks we'd never get anywhere. I know I need to start planning ahead and giving us more time to get somewhere etc so I don't always end up doing things to hurry us along. At least we have him doing chores around the house. He has to clear his plate and cup from the table after every meal/snack and he feeds the dog in the a.m. and p.m. and he does have to pick up his room. It's a start.
Posted by: Leslie | June 20, 2008 at 12:57 PM