Fermentation

As I expected, my brain has been percolating and fermenting all the information that I read recently about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

And yesterday, as I sat on the floor amongst all the presents, slowly working my way through wrapping them, I had a revelation. I don't expect this revelation to be earth shattering for anyone except those members of my immediate family, who are not supposed to be reading this blog anyway. But nevertheless, I will reveal my revelation to all of you.

My mother is a narcissist. That has been established.

But my father is a freak-show too. I've just never been able to put my finger on exactly what his problem is. This is where my revelation comes in. As I was sitting on the floor with my back aching, hating all the bother of Christmas preparations, I finally figured it out.

Well, I won't claim to have figured everything out, but I do have a new piece of the puzzle.

Here it is:

My father's parents are both narcissistic. That's why they have never gotten along with my mother. If you put the three of them in a room together its like a cat-fight with everyone yelling "Look at me!", "Listen to Me!" and "Bow down before ME!".

My father is not a narcissist, but he was raised by two of them. Suddenly all the bizarre punishments that he talks about enduring as a child make sense. Being locked in a virtual cage in the yard, being made to kill his favorite pets, and not being brought to the doctor when he had broken bones, because his mother thought he was FAKING. (Oh yeah, I come from some mean motherfucker stock.)

Because of his upbringing he is very tolerant of my mother's narcissism. Except for when he can't take it anymore and goes ballistic. He only has two settings: beaten dog and attack mode. Being raised by narcissists really screws a person up, trust me, I know.

Realizing these three things is a pretty big deal to me. Unfortunately, it won't change anything about my family. It might make the upcoming visit a little more interesting for me from a psychological standpoint. But it won't change any of the family dynamics. It's not like I could have a conversation with my parents and explain to them what is going on.

That would be a really bad idea.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I am putting this puzzle together. I'm hoping that if I am ever able to put all the pieces together the finished product will be a whole person - me.

Photo by elventear.

Comments

[nabokov_fan]

Wow, that's highly insightful. A child raised by narcissists could either repeat the model or develop a calloused tolerance to it--up to a point, of course.

No wonder your son is so smart.

[maggie]

I've been browsing through your site, particularly the entries tagged "adult children of narcissists". I'm fascinated and saddened and introspective. The best thing my shrink ever did was identify my mother as a narcissist...it put so many things in perspective for me. That said, I think you've got a far harder situation and I feel for you.