The horn on the bus goes beep beep beep

I like to think of myself as a pretty good driver. (Don't ask my husband - he's a liar). Anyway, I've driven lots of places, and I've never gotten into an accident - knocking on wood here. When we lived in Brooklyn we bought a car, so that Daniel and I could go places, since we lived so far out.

I was a good driver in Brooklyn - maybe that's an oxymoron- but I could honk and curse and slam on my brakes with the best of them. Daniel and I went to the Brooklyn Museum, and Coney Island, the Prospect Park Zoo, and the Brooklyn Children's Museum. I was a natural at city driving. And all this in a rusty gray Volvo that had seen better days.

I think that car had spent some time at the bottom of the river, because whenever I turned on the rear windshield wipers, the brake lights blew. When I fixed the brake lights, the fuse for the turn signal would go. And sometimes the front windshield wipers would refuse to work - usually when it was raining.

My point is, none of this daunted me. But now after being in the suburbs for a few years, I have gone all soft and squishy. I would be an embarrassment on the streets of Brooklyn now.

Case in point: I wanted to get some bookcases from Ikea. So I checked online to see if they had them in stock. The Ikea in Paramus didn't have them, but the one in Elizabeth did. Easy, right? Just drive to the Ikea in Elizabeth. After all that's where I used to go all the time before the Paramus store opened up.

I couldn't do it. I decided to wait, I found excuses not to go. But today I was determined to go, so I got my Mapquest directions (I know, how lame is that? I've been there a million times!) and I got in the car. I'm driving down Bloomfield Ave. on my way to the GSP and my brain tries one last time: "You really don't want to get on the Turnpike, people drive like animals on the Turnpike. Why not just drive to Paramus and see if they have it. Maybe the computer was lying. Go on, you want to go north not south!"

And being the chicken-pansy that the suburbs have turned me into, I followed my brain's advice. And guess what? The computer WAS lying - they had everything I needed in stock! I mean how often does that happen at Ikea?

So after paying, and then WAITIING for them to bring the bookcases to Furniture Pick-up, and then CHECKING each piece over in front of the Ikea-man to make sure all the parts were there (they weren't), and then PACKING it into my car and realizing that the three things on the bottom were missing parts, and BRINGING them back to Furniture-Pick-up to be replaced, and WAITING again, I went home. As you can see it was a very successful day for a lily-livered-chicken-skinned-parkway-driving-ninny.

Photo by Khaz.

Comments

[Noal Cohen]

Went to Elizabeth IKEA today. HATED IT!!Eventually got there but I always miss the IKEA Drive exit either in Elizabeth or Paramus. Don't know what's wrong with me. Anyone can find IKEA. It's a Nordic/American icon. Oops - maybe that's it. I've got the wrong genes. And the freakin' stores are mazes designed to make you walk through areas in which you have no interest but from which you are supposed to see stuff you must have and will buy. We bought nothing. My wife and I drove home in angry silence and frustration, our day ruined.

[Liesel Elliott]

Although Ikea's prices are very good, you pay for that with your time, energy, and frustration level. And many times I have had to go back to the store after the fact, because something was missing or broken. Still, I'm glad they are there, because I can't afford any other furniture.

Thanks for reading Noal!